It’s not lost on me that there is some confusion regarding my strange but workable living arrangements with my Significant One.
We lived together for a very long time, exactly like other married couples do.
Intertwined with that was our management of an intergenerational home. My Mama and Dad lived in an apartment located at one end of our home, while her Mama lived directly with us, first in an addition to our first house, and then with us when we took over what we always called ‘The Cotton Compound.’ We’ve moved to one level since then, and we like it.
When her Mama hit her mid-eighties, she decided that living alone was better, and she hit the road to her own place, where she lives to this day. She’s doing well, but she’s only in her mid-90s, so you’d expect her to be living independently and well, right? Exactly.
When we decided to plan for our later years—since we were already in them— the S.O. determined that she wasn’t pleased with her current work/life balance, and she wanted to do more in the healthcare space.
While she is a nurse practitioner (and darn good at it), she decided that getting her doctorate made the most sense, and that led her into all kinds of unique opportunities. None of them are in direct care of patients, but are more focused on the quality of care given by institutions as a whole. Several of the gigs were far from Maine—still are.
She is not what some refer to as a “traveling nurse.” That’s a tough gig, no matter all the hype that surrounds it as an ‘adventure,’ it’s brutal and takes special people to pop in here and there and care for people in a completely unfamiliar environment. Kudos to them. I only clarify that because that is the most common question I get.
The S.O. has been all sorts of places, the deep south, the mid-west, but took a position on the east coast for purposes of getting back and forth home more often. Quicker and cheaper were also considered as prerequisites for where she landed.
I’ve never had her experience of being wanted, sought out even, for what I do. I was simply happy that the locks didn’t change at the office during my working years. She gets headhunted constantly, less so, she says, since she became older, and we talk about the difficulties people have landing work in certain fields because they are perceived as ‘older.’ It’s a real concern, and more so for women. It’s opened my eyes to ageism, because it’s real.
Her grandmother, also a nurse, rode horseback to check on shut-in patients in the backwoods of Washington County, Maine, so she clearly came from pretty good stock.
I digress.
I think it’s cool that her skills have given her the ability to try different things. She’s a girl who grew up in the same house, in a small town, with a single mother taking care of four other wonderful kids. The S.O. put herself through college, working as a banquet waitress and a server of ice cream during summers, helping to run a tiny take-out.
She’s “wicked smart” outside her choice in men. She doesn’t say that. That’s all me, and it’s fun to be the hanger-on mope when we end up at an event or snobby gala. I am not for everyone, but I don’t try to be. I am just supportive of her adventure, and I found something to take up my time when she’s making life better for a lot of patients. Someone has to take care of Ellie, and I’m good at that.
Insert digression here.
I guess this all came out today because, as I was grabbing my chocolate milk (two sips a day, max) from the fridge, I noted her travel calendar, placed by the fridge so I’d keep track.
I don’t.
I tell her to call me when she’s coming home, drop me a text when she lands, and I’ll come pick her up. I do like a day in advance notice when I am at the camp in the woods, of course. I should shower before picking up. Sometimes.
Yesterday, we were both up at three so she could get on an airplane and be back in her office, somewhere else, by nine a.m.
I couldn’t do it; she has the energy of that little bunny with batteries. If she doesn’t work a twelve-hour day, it’s more. I seek to be in bed by nine, when she’s getting her second wind. I do rise early, but my days are filled with making mine better, a drastic juxtaposition to what she is doing.
Ageism is real. But I think older folks handle schedules like the travel represented on this calendar better than young folks.
Keep it in mind when you are hiring, no matter the field. Don’t write off people in their sixties and seventies, for I think you will miss out on the dedication and fortitude that was driven into our generation.
Oh, and if you think I can understand this calendar, dear, I cannot.
Text me when you are coming home.
From the Jagged Edge of America, I remain,
TC
Thank you for all your support through the blogs, the posts, the books, and your kindness in keeping these pages going, and me, by becoming members of the support group at BuyMeACoffee (Yellow banner on the main page). You are appreciated. tc