I know my age bracket puts me in the camp with men who speak about particular difficulties. I’m lucky, I guess. At least compared to the horror stories shared by men I’ve been forced to listen to when it comes to the frequent urination vs. difficulty urinating conversations.
These conversations typically occur on the way to fishing spots and when I have been tricked into helping someone move furniture. Otherwise, I don’t find myself discussing the topic all that often.
That’s why the ad, received in an email, surprised me. I could think of no recent discussions that could have been picked up by the listening devices we all carry in our pockets. Then, I figured it out.
With my yearly physical on the horizon, it was time to go to the lab for a fasting health screen. I skipped eating after six p.m. the night before and settled into the fasting portion of my evening. It was no problem.
When morning came, I almost forgot what I was up to and walked to the coffee maker. I don’t have any problem skipping food, but four a.m. coffee is the engine that makes this train roll. Knowing I would soon have to give up a bit of blood and pee in the cup, I grabbed a water and sat down to key a few strokes into the Facebook machine.
Naturally, I am a ‘pee before you go’ kind of guy, so I did what I always do when I left the house to enter the frozen tundra at around six-thirty.
On the way out the door, I realized my mistake. This time, the years of experience led me to pound down two Poland Springs sixteen-ouncers on the way across town. My goal was to provide them with a sample that would fill a galvanized steel five-gallon pail. I’ve never done it, but, to be fair, no one has ever asked me to do so.
While I only have a commoner’s level of knowledge about anatomy and physiology, I do know that thirty-two ounces of water will not fill a five-gallon pail. But hyperbole and urine are two things I can provide with zero effort.
Imagine my surprise when the young lab technician told me that—on this visit—they only wanted blood. I said, “That’s great because I just finished two bottles of water, and I still can’t pee.” We laughed. Oh, we laughed.
Then I walked out and headed to the first coffee joint on the right. The line was long at the drive-thru. I killed some time by opening my email to find the accompanying photo and description at the top of the order. The thing was, at that point, the quick burst of thirty-two ounces of Poland Springs finest kicked in. I had to pull out of line and make my way to the lobby for a visit to the men’s room.
I never did find out what Gorilla’s secret was. By the time I got back to my phone, I was too engrossed in my dark roast to care what Gorillas did when they couldn’t pee. My method worked just fine.
I’ll plan better next time.
From the jagged edge, I remain,
Thanks for the support at BuyMeACoffee, and thanks for reading my stuff. I appreciate it. I hope January is going swimmingly for all of you.